i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
