I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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