hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
