Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
