My nipple is on Facebook.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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