I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
