woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
