Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
