dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
