The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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