i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
