My friends, they love my intelligence
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
