this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
