Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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