Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
