I want to walk on stilts...naked
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
