Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
