we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
