Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
