Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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