At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
