We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
