what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
