He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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