Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
