i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This is my gift to your gina
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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