Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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