Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
