we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
