My first STD was from a foam party
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
