and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
