My brain says no but my pants say off.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
