He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
