Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So squirting runs in the family.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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