yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
