Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
