So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
