are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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