i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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