Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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