I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
