I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
