yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
