vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
