We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
