Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
