make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
