Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
