so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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