imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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