Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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