____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
