So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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