you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
