K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
