This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
