letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
